Brenternet (The World as seen by Brent Moore)

Trying to appeal to the highest common denominator. I can't give you 110% effort, but I will give you 107.4% effort. If you're a spammer and leave me a comment, I will make fun of you. I use twice as many semicolons compared to most other bloggers

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Location: Smyrna, Tennessee, United States

As the title implies, I am Brent K. Moore. I married MariLynn Simons on Sept. 25, 1999. we attend Stewart's Creek Church of Christ. We have five pets, a dachshund, Slinkie, a malamute, Juno, and three rabbits, Ebunny and Ifurry, and now Houdini.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Laughable spam of the day

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Every single spam / scam is laughable. I'm just in a mood today to make fun of one of them. They all have essentially the same mistakes. The content of the email is unchanged. My comments are in bold.

From: blsublett@austin.rr.com
Right off the bat, we know they're a Cable modem subscriber from the Austin, TX area.
Subject: Microsoft Award Notification!!!
Yipee! How'd they know I use Microsoft products?

Microsoft Award Team.
I hope I win "Best XP user" or "Coolest Powerpoint designer"
Windows house, 4 Trent road
I wonder how often the Windows House crashes? Ha hahahahahahahahahaha.
Sutton, Greater. London SM1 4te.
United Kingdom.
That's the London, United Kingdom just outside of Austin, TX.

Dear Beneficiary,
I'm impressed they spelled that correctly.

Batch number......................YM09102XN
I just googled the above line. Amazingly 39 other people out there have gotten this batch number and posted it to their blog. Let's make it 40.
Reff number.......................YM35447XN
Reff?
Winning number....................YM0988

This is to inform you that you have won a prize money of One Million
Great Britain Pound Sterlings(£1,000,000.00) for the month of January
2008 Lottery promotion which is organized by MICROSOFT LOTTERY INC &
WINDOWS LIVE.
This is how the Microsoft Lottery works: You pay about $300 for the latest copy of Windows, Install it, and then see if you are the lucky winner of a working computer.

MICROSOFT WINDOWS collects all the email addresses of people that
are active online,
and you feared the patriot act!
among the millions that subscribed to INTERNET
Hey, that's me. I subscribed to INTERNET!
we only select five people every Month as our winners through electronic
balloting System without the winner applying,we congratulate you for
being one of the people selected.
I demand a recount of last Month.

Contact him, (who?) please provide him (who?) with your batch number BATCH:
YM09102XM and your reference number REF NO: YM35447XM
I have a Reff number. Can I use that instead?

You are also advised to provide him (who?) with the under listed information as soon as possible:
Before I start looking for the under listed information, I will take your advisory into account.

Claims Requirements:
1.Name in full-----------
Brenternet
2.Address---------------------------
c/o Austin Police Dept.
718 E 8th St.
Austin, TX 78701
3.Nationality-------------
I'm from the Principality of Sealand
4.Age--------------------------------
How dare you ask such things!
5. Sex ---------------------
Yes! OK, that's an old immature joke.
6.Occupation------------------------
I make fun of spammers
7.Phone/Fax--------------
Sony Ericsson Z710 - no fax machine.
8.Present Country--------------------
Prussia
9.Email Adress-----------
I thought you already knew this! That's how you knew to contacted me in the first place. It's spoof@microsoft.com
10. Batch And Reff Number---------
Thank goodness you asked for a Reff Number. I have one of those. It's YM35447XN. Do you need my winning number for anything?

(CONTACT EVENT MANAGER).
Claims Agent: Sir Darren Ferguson.
Oh, it's a knighted soccer player!
Contact Email:microsoft_claimsunits01@yahoo.com.hk
.hk is Hong Kong. So it's the London outside of Austin in Hong Kong. Got it.

Congratulations once more.
Thank You
Faithfully,
You have been most faithful in this discourse!
Miss Gene Tree.
I think you missed the smart gene when you fell out of the Gene tree.
Zone Co-ordinator.
You must be one of two people who ordinates in this zone.
Copyright © 2008 Microsoft Award Promo. All Rights Reserved.
So, do you think that technically the spammer could sue me for copyright infringement by posting the entire text of the email to my blog? I suppose I could claim that I have a derivative work. I suggest you go ahead and contribute to my legal defense fund.

I won't go through the whole thing, but here's another one from today:

From: Hsong Holdings Limited [chenhsong7@bellsouth.net]
Dear Sir/madam,
I am the GBM (stands for Great Big Moron) (Chairman) of Chen Hsong Holdings Limited This Company was Established since 1958. I'm not stupid! I was Born since 1977. After half a century of endless efforts, Chen Hsong has grown from a small machinery workshop to one of the largest manufacturers of injection moulding machines in the world. best I can tell, the spammer here is using a real Chairman and company's name. I suppose every CEO of a large injection moulding manufacturer has time to send out mass distributed recruitment letters to random individuals. Chen Hsong Holdings Limited, Produces, Exclusivecircular platen(patended) (huh?), ichen shop- floor Networked management system (sounds complicated), Ductile iron casting andmachining (must be painful), Jetmaster MKIV series (is this a Bible translation?), jetmaster C Series (how many jetmasters can there be?) , E.T.C. Due to long association with our suppliers and our thorough understanding of the working condition in the Industry;
That's very bold of you to end the paragraph with a semicolon.

Thanks in anticipation.
Your welcome in expectancy.
Regards,
Dr. Chiang Chen
Email:deskofchen@live.com
"Desk of Chen" would make a lousy kung fu movie title.

(?)

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Acrobats!

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In my ever increasing desire to bring you, the viewing public, minutes of entertainment every month, I present this video I made of Acrobats. These are Chinese acrobats that I saw in the summer of '06. YouTube has a video limit of 10 minutes, so I condensed what I thought was the best parts of the show into 10 minutes.



In 2003, my wife and I saw a similar acrobat show at Six Flags Great America. I'll never forget the super cheesy line, "They may not understand English, but they understand applause!"

These photos represent parts of the show that were interesting but slow-moving, making it better for photos and less for video.

Balance Balance



(?)

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Be an Organ Donor

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I don't have to write my own material anymore. This speaks for itself.

Be an Organ Donor

I can tell they are going to be able to provide me with a bunch of material over the upcoming months, so stay tuned. The middle S in Jesus is missing. On the other side, the E is missing.

Walmart isn't the only saving place in Smyrna.
(This one was posted on my blog in November.)



27145 #2

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

My Invisible friend

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[Brent's note: I wrote this about 8-10 years ago,and am pulling it out of the vault for the blog. I've got lots of other stuff from as little as 5 years ago to as far away as when I was in 5th grade that I might post whenever he mood strikes.]

"_____ , my invisible friend"

I have an invisible friend.
His name is_____ .

He wasn't born that way,
But he had an unfortunate accident
With a cloaked Klingon starship.

He went to high school with me.
He wasn't very popular.
We knew what he was thinking:
His feelings were transparent.
He felt empty inside.
He was always picked last for every sport --
Except Dodge ball.

Once he developed laryngitis
And couldn't speak
We thought he had run away.
How could we tell?

He went to the University
And majored in philosophy.
He stayed up late
Drinking Crystal Pepsi
And reading H.G.Wells novels.

He couldn't think clearly.
He failed all of his classes
Because he wrote all his papers
With invisible ink.

Then he got a job.
He wasn't very good.
He was a mime.
His scenes were unseen.
Things were rather bleak.
But he had a good radio voice.

Then, he got a good job:
Working in the movie industry
Doing special effects.
All his co-workers went on strike.
Nobody noticed when
He crossed the picket line.
(He hid a concealed weapon.)

He married a great visible wife.
They had a spiritual relationship.
They had one and a half children.
They really had three children
but you could only see half of each one.

They had a pet invisible dog
and named him spotless.

[The end. I bet you couldn't see the point.]